the fire has died down

I remember when 9/11/01 happened. I was at Michelle and Jim's housegroup and we were all praying in the middle of my living room. Steve Drury prayed something that stayed with me even to this day. His words like incense went something like this: "God, wake us up. Where we have been sleeping spiritually, arouse us to action."

That is how I feel right now. Spiritually asleep. Kind of drowsy and coming in and out of consciousness. It feels discouraging because for the last year and a half, I have felt so "awake", so in-tune, so connected to the vine.

I had to rehearse to myself this morning driving to work that God still loves and adores me even if I have felt far and sort of apathetic towards him right now. I had to rehearse the truth that my righteous standing with him is not dependent on how much or how often I pray.

And so my solitary prayer this early morning as I watered the pink plants around my house, "God, blow on my embers that still burn in my heart for you causing them to grow into a strong fire. Provide timber and fuel to keep my heart burning for you and your ways."