*a funny*

Elliott turned one on May 8th and we celebrated his birthday on Cinco de Mayo in a little park by Jason and Leah's home. After the party they invited some people over for tacos and margaritas. I arrived a little late after dropping off dinner and a warm apple pie to Norm and Tosh. I sit down to eat my 2 tacos and as I am finishing up I notice some *smooshed up food* on the floor next to me where I sit.

Previous events:
Leah thought it would be fun to let Audrey and Elliott take a bath together and have a cousin bonding time. So before my taco eating experience we both stripped our kids naked and let them walk/run around before the bath. It was very fun to see their naked little butts wiggling around as they felt the freedom of air on skin in the warm apartment. And there is nothing cuter than naked baby flesh.

They have their bath together, squealing and splashing. In the meantime, a bunch of us are sitting around the living room talking about this and that.

And this is the script of what went down:
Shanel: (in my head..."Well, this is strange. What food did the babies leave on the floor?" Out of instinct, I go to clean up the mess by picking it up with my hand. I hold up the *smooshed up food* and extrovert: "What the heck is this?"

The room of people: All look over at me and the *smooshed up food* in my hand, wondering as well what kid chewed up something and spit it out.

Shanel: "It looks like refried beans." (because that would fit, right, with tacos and margaritas?)

Kristy: "We didn't make any refried beans!"

Shanel: Realization comes over me that I may not be holding smooshed up refried beans. Out of instinct, again. I take the *smooshed up food* and bring it to my nose to inspect what it really is.

Shanel: In horror and disgust, I loudly exclaim, "It's shit! NOOOOOO! It's shit! Somebody crapped on the ground before their bath." And it is becoming clear to me that my daughter, my perfect and most beautiful daughter was the one playing over there on the floor and I fear she is the culprit of the *smooshed up food* on the floor that has now smooshed into the toy next to it and sunk into the carpet and I fear even more that it may be smeared on my pants and leg.

The room of people: laughter and more raucous laughter...they see Shanel quickly put the plop of soft, squishy poop on her plate where her tacos once were and run to throw it away and sterilize her hands, finger nails, and toy that was contaminated.

Thank God for Jason. He humbly and graciously cleaned up the remainder of the *squished up food* (aka poop) from the carpet with cleanser and water.

But I was traumatized.

I am a nurse and I have worked with a lot of poop in my day. I have dis impacted people, digging out hard chunks of crap for the rectum. I have cleaned up blow outs from incontinent people who have explosive diarrhea. I have emptied colostomies and ileostomies draining the liquid poop into a graduated cylinder and flushing it down the toilet. I am well versed in poop. But the difference is I usually and almost always have gloves on.

This time there were no gloves and the poop was on my skin, in my nails. And I was thoroughly grossed out.

We have been fortunate enough to not have Audrey poop in the bathtub yet. But this made up for it. I have had the experience of picking up poop thinking it was refried beans, putting it to my nose to inspect it and being thoroughly horrified that it was shit, my baby girl's crap.

Dear lord!